


Broken and Whole

by lucimorning



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Healing, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Selfcest, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucimorning/pseuds/lucimorning
Summary: Steven's back, but he isn't as healed as everyone had hoped.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe
Comments: 9
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first work I've ever posted! Some things are set to happen, some things aren't. Let me know what you think!
> 
> This is dedicated to my wonderful girlfriend who has helped me through thick and thin. She's my inspiration and hope and I do hope she enjoys this~

Broken. Shattered. Forgotten. Hated.

Whole. Complete. Remembered. Loved.

He drifted in a darkness, whispers and thoughts floating around him. Butterflies fluttered by, memories and thoughts fluttering on their wings. He raised a hand, watching as a single butterfly landed on it softly. He brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to its wings. Pink overtook it for just a moment before shimmering and fading into shattered diamonds, images flitting across the disappearing pieces. He stretched out and floated in the darkness, watching the speckles of bright white butterflies floating about. 

There was a fading sound, a whisper on the non existent wind. A larger butterfly flew forward, landing on his outstretched finger. He brought it to his lips, repeating the process and watching it fade into nothing. The sound faded along with the butterfly, a shimmering fleeting beauty. He watched as slowly more and more butterflies came forward, swirling around him and consuming him. 

He closed his eyes and went along with them, the sounds clearing to be a single voice. Time to face the daylight.


	2. Butterflies

When he opened his eyes, he looked up and saw the concerned face of his long time best friend and current girlfriend. She was standing over him, her arms crossed and a frown on her lips. He couldn’t help the small part of his brain that whispered that she hated him. A fleeting whisper he disregarded easily. He forced a bright smile on his lips, sitting up and giving a little wave. 

“Hey Connie!” 

“‘Hey Connie’? Is that really all you’re going to say?” She gave a small huff and glare, not noticing the way his smile faded for just a moment. She waved her arms around, her voice picking up volume slightly. “I’ve been waiting for you for hours! I thought something was wrong! But no, I come here and find you  _ lying _ around on the hill!”

He gave a sigh, pulling a knee to his chest and hugging it. His smile faded into nothing as he looked off to the edge of the ocean. “As you can see, I’m fine.”

Connie gave him a small glare, crossing her arms once more. “Are you  _ really _ fine or are you just saying that? Because to me, it seems like a lie! You promised me you would come to my presentation. You promised me that  _ yesterday _ right here. Have you even moved from here?”

Steven gave a small sigh, gripping his leg a bit harder as he glared at the ocean. She had been on his case for a while now, and it was getting on his nerves. He didn’t give her an answer. His eyes trailed after phantom butterflies that only he could see, ignoring the huff of his girlfriend.

“Steven you can’t keep this up! You were doing so well! You were healing!” She lowered her arms, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “What changed..?”

He still didn’t answer, gripping his jeans a little bit more. Had he really been healing? At all through this? 

Connie waited for a moment before huffing, turning and beginning to walk away. She stopped and looked over her shoulder to the young man she loved. “Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, you know where I’ll be..”

He waited until he couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore, gripping his pants tighter and tighter with each fading step. As soon as she was gone, he let out a deep breath and a groan. Phantom butterflies swirled around him, invading his space and his vision. They were overpowering, drawing him back into their depths. 

He was drifting once more, the darkness an inner calm. Butterflies twirled and swirled around him, bright in the midnight black. He drifted along with them, following them wherever they went. He floated along, a void of nothing but silence around him.

He watched as the butterflies swirled, some drifting together and merging, growing larger and larger. He felt nothing as they landed on him, sounds and images passing along like fading winds. He lazily lifted his hand, kissing a butterfly and watching it shatter and fade just as before. 

But once more he was interrupted. He felt a phantom touch on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and followed the sensation, blinking into awareness once more.

It was raining now. And so much darker than before. He shivered as he felt how soaked he was, blinking up into the frowning face of Garnet. She had one hand on his shoulder and the other on his chin. Steven felt a single tear fall, knowing she  _ knew _ .

“Come on Steven. Let’s head inside.”

\--

“Steven! I can’t  _ believe _ you did that!” Pearl’s hands were waving in the air as she shouted at the young man. She crossed her arms and opened her mouth to keep shouting when Garnet stepped forward. 

“Pearl, leave him be. You don’t know…”

Steven blocked out the sounds of the two arguing, shivering and walking to the couch. He sat down with his eyes on the floor. He glanced to the side and followed a butterfly with his eyes. He blinked it away as he shivered again. He really should change, but that meant getting up and moving. He was so focused on his thoughts that he jumped a little when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Steven, dude, you alright? It's not like you to zone like this.” Amethyst had placed her hand on his arm, gently shaking him out of his thoughts.

He forced a bright smile onto his lips, waving a hand to disregard her worry. He spoke loud enough that the other gem and fusion listened to him as well. “I’m fine! I promise, I’m completely fine! I’m just tired is all. I think I’m just gonna go to bed you know?”

He stood and shivered again, the smile still on his lips as he went to the bathroom door. He never noticed the looks of concern sent his way as he walked away from the three. He sighed as he shut the bathroom door, ignoring the noises of arguments again. This had become a common thing now, their constant arguments about  _ him _ .

He looked up and stared at himself in the mirror, noticing how the dark circles under his eyes had started showing. The makeup must have washed off with the rain. He dragged his hands down his face with a deep groan, leaning on the sink with his elbows and his face in his hands. He looked up into the mirror and stared at his dark eyes. Just one of the many lies he had told since returning. 

He opened the mirror cupboard and pulled out a rather hidden away contact set. He opened the case and put some saline solution into it, looking into his eyes as he removed one of the contacts. He placed it in the case and looked at his two different eyes. His ‘normal’ dark brown eye, and his ‘new’ deep pink eye. Luckily it wasn’t glowing like normal. He removed the other contact and closed the case, putting it away as he waited and listened. He had hidden his eyes from everyone for a while, not wanting to worry them with the new coloration. 

When he heard nothing else, he stepped outside the bathroom. He kept his eyes down as he made his way swiftly to the Temple Door. He closed his eyes and easily opened  _ his _ door. It wasn’t Rose’s door, it was his. He was just about to take a step into the door when a voice interrupted him. 

“Steven. You need to talk to us. Please.” 

Garnet’s voice was pleading with him. He glanced over his shoulder and gave them a bright smile. “I told you, I’m fine.”

He didn’t wait for them to answer as he stepped into his room and shut the door, knowing none of them would be able to enter. Maybe, for once, he could be alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to chapter 1! Hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what sort of things you're wanting to see! I know its a bit of a dark beginning, but, well. That's just the way I like it!
> 
> Let me know if you're wanting longer chapters too!


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